The Pardoner’s Tale: A Parody

The Pardoner’s Tale: A Parody

Most teenagers fawn over the sparkly vampire, Edward Cullen or the hot and mysterious CEO Christian Grey, but these two fictional megastars became dust when the sexy, psychopathic grim reaper from the works of a mysterious author in WattPad surfaced came along. His name is Death and he’s hot according to the fanatics of the story.

The adventure between the three fangirls begin when a ‘trusty’ internet source posted an article about recent sightings about Death and that his existence may not be a hoax at all. Driven by self proclaimed love and destiny, they packed their bags and begin to search for Death.

Sweat dripped from their foreheads and pooled at their backs as they hiked at the mountain of Hollywood. The huge letters of the name looked like it hasn’t been cleaned for months, but then again who plans to clean them in this hot temperature? The youngest one wiped the sweat in her forehead from her arm then proceeded to fan herself by using her hands.

“Ya sure it’s the right place?” She asks the two of the other fangirls who were busy with their Iphones. She rolls her eyes and muttered ‘plastic female dogs’ under her breath, She turns on her phone and searches for Death’s home for the thousandth time this day. Even her phone is annoyed by her to the extent a notification of ‘low battery’ popped up. She curses then throws it at the rock. The phone shattered to pieces and she flipped a bird towards the now broken phone.

“WAIT! WAIT! I’M GETTING A SIGNAL!” The eldest suddenly screams and begins to scream three octaves higher while jumping up and down. The two fangirls ran near to her, “What happened?” “Did you find my baby yet?”

They both shot a cold glare as they waited for the other to reply.

“He is here right now!” Eldest fangirl squealed and soon after, the three of them sounded like baby pigs who just got their food.

But the unimaginable heat made them dizzy, tired and thirsty made them sit down at the ground with more sweat pouring all over them.  They need a break.

Familiar chords were played from the guitar that made the three look up from and couldn’t believe their eyes. It was the famous and adorable, Jacob Sartorius at the top of the Hollywood sign.

They all screamed.

The Middle Fangirl quickly rose from the ground, running towards the Hollywood sign and began to climb up there. “Jacob I love you!” She says and when she reached at the top of the sign, she lost her balance and fell off, rolling towards end of the mountain.

The Youngest Fangirl was the next person to climb up next to Jacob Sartorius, successfully balancing herself at the sign. She was about to kiss Jacob who is still singing but her vision blurred and her head spin, that lost her balance as well and fell towards the end of the mountain with the Middle one.

Now the Eldest was the most clever, she took pictures and selfies while updating Twitter about the event. Jacob will come down soon. So she waited til Jacob took off his shirt that made her wild, screaming octaves higher and jumping up and down. Jacob threw his shirt for her to catch and when she ran towards where the shirt flew, she tripped onto a small rock. Her body crashed towards the other side, her head hitting the large one sitting next to it first.

But there was no Jacob singing at the top of the Hollywood sign. It was Death who laughed at their stupidity and went home.